Tag Archives: humor

Dont be THAT Guy!!!

I don’t know what has been up over the last few weeks but I have been running into some real pieces of work on my travels recently. I am sure you know the types of people I am talking about, the folks who we share the road with who just need to let a few things go and get their priorities back in order.  Who do I mean?  I mean folks like;


Cellphone talking in the bathroom guy:

OK, what can possibly be so important that you cannot either a) pause the conversation and call them back or b) put them on mute?  I will never understand the gentleman at the urinal talking about his weekend to his friend while relieving himself.  Really?  I am always sure to flush a couple extra times just to be sure the person on the other end knows exactly where this guy takes his calls from.  However please understand, this guy is completely different from Guy who goes to the bathroom in the Middle of a Conference Call.

gate crowding

Needs to be first guy:

Every flight I ever take, literally every single one, there is at least one and usually a group of people who are in Group 4 or 5 of the boarding process who line up at the gate before the plane has even arrived.   I guess they think that by being at the gate early that they will be able to board earlier.  My favorite are the ones who when the gate agents call for the elite level travelers to board, join right in, only to be immediately cast aside and made to wait in front of all for their “appropriate boarding group”.   All the while, clogging the 2 foot wide pathway to get to the jet bridge.  Not so ironically, these are usually the folks I also see falling into our next category.

Refuses to put anything under his seat guy:

I get it, you bought a ticket just like everyone else on the plane and yes, you have the “right” (show me in The Constitution where overhead space is protected) to put your stuff up above but if all you have is a bag from the HMS Host store in the boarding area, put under your feet in front of you.  Seriously people.

Oh and by the way, you are not allowed to complain about either the boarding process or the deplaning process if you choose to place everything overhead.  You are the reason that one person who has a CPAP machine in their bag or the person in 7F who placed their bag above 33D is holding up the process.

it will fit

Mr. Spatially Unaware:

So this version actually comes in two varieties.  The first is the one who has no concept of how geometry works.  This is usually best displayed as they attempt to place a 9x14x22 inch bag into a 3x7x22 inch space.  No really, keep trying.  I am sure you can make it fit.  Much like this guy

The second version is the guy who does not understand that the arm rest actually represents the type of force field between your seat and mine.  It should be treated like a kindergartner treats the “lava” if they fall of the carpet.  It is to be avoided at all costs.  Of course the one who really takes the cake in this category is Mr. I am Going to use your Shoulder as a Pillow Guy (yep, it really has happened) much like this classic

Married to my seat guy:

So I saved my personal pet peeve for last.  That is the person that is so attached to their seat that they are unwilling to move for any reason.  I was recently on a flight where a father and his 5 year old son were assigned to two window seats IN FIRST CLASS that were not in the same row.  The gentlemen in the aisle seats of both of the rows refused to relocate.  Let me remind you, THIS WAS TO ANOTHER FIRST CLASS SEAT!!!  I literally could not believe it.  I turned to the gentlemen next to me after seeing this dad settle his barely grade school aged son in the row behind him and asked “Are you married to that seat?” – fortunately he was already thinking exactly what I was thinking.  We immediately gave up our row so this father and son could sit together.

RoadWarriors please here me.  If you see a family separated on the plane, regardless of the seat assignment, if you can switch and make it better for them, DO IT and yes, I have sat middle in coach so families can sit together.  I feel so deeply about this I think we should start a Whitehouse.org petition to make it a Federal Law.

The lesson in all this?  Well, Pope Francis got an ovation on the floor of Congress for mentioning it, you may know it as the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have done unto you.  Christ told us the greatest commandment was to love one another as he loved us.  Somehow I do not see Jesus saying – “Nope, I need the window seat”.  Now to be fair, he would probably make every seat a window seat but that is a whole other post.

So how about you RoadWarriors?  Who are some of the people I forgot to include on the list?

Here is to hoping you are able to avoid them all on your travels.

Dirty little secrets of a RoadWarrior

I don’t know about you but I definitely behave differently when I am on the road than I do when I am home.  This really was put front and center a few days ago when a friend ratted himself out on Facebook to some of his odd travel habits that he does not practice at home and it got me wondering….

What do I do on the road that I would never (or at least almost never) do at home?

Now please understand I am not talking about some deviant behavior and you will definitely not see my name among the outed Ashley Madison users.  If that is what you self-reflected on, you need therapy and professional help (not to mention legal counsel).  No, I am talking about the weird, kooky and selfish behaviors that I routinely participate in on the road that I almost never think about, let alone do, while I am home with the family or even when I travel with my wife.  So here we go:

Unpack immediately upon entering the room:


This is the one that I personally cannot explain.  As soon as the door is shut behind me upon checking in, I am immediately unpacking everything from clothes to toiletries (including unwrapping all of the hotel provided soaps, etc.) and putting everything in the proper place.

Why do they put the shampoo and conditioner on the sink anyways?

Within 5 minutes everything is unpacked, plugged in and hanging up as appropriate.  When I get home from a trip – the suitcase may sit for 3 days before I unzip, let alone unpack and that is usually so I can turn around and pack it again.

Sleep with the curtains open:

My wife and I both like the curtains pulled and basically have put blackout drapes on our windows in our bedroom at home.  However I almost never pull the blackout drapes when I am staying in hotel by myself.  I think there is some innate fear I have of oversleeping so I hedge my bets by letting the sun shine through bright and glorious at ‘Oh My Dear Lord’ early.

Sleep with the TV on:

This happens all the time on the road.  I will put on some inane, brainless show and end up falling asleep to it.  I cannot tell you how many times Dog the Bounty Hunter and his crew have lulled me to sleep.  At home, TV is off well before we are asleep.

Eat dinner at 10:00 at night:

open late

I did this just last night.  I would rather eat a decent meal at 10:00 than grab McDonald’s at 6:00 but this often means I am not eating until I have made it to the hotel.  I would have revolting hangry sons and wife to deal with at home if I tried to pull this move off.  Never going to happen.

Exercise at 11:00 at night:

When you are working all day and then grabbing a flight that evening, sometimes this is the only time you have.  At home I would be worried about the noise I am making and how it might be disturbing others.  On the road, if there is anyone else in the gym with me at that hour, we are having a great conversation.  Unfortunately, at that hour I am normally working out on my own.

Get up at 5:00 AM to get a work out in:

The reverse relationship of exercising late at night.  At home, no one wants to hear me dropping weights, doing tuck jumps with Shaun T or hear the treadmill going.  On the road, I am trying to figure out how to get the workout in with all of the other crazies in the morning.  And when you follow RoadWarriorFit Rule #4 – workout before wine, and you know you have a full day, you make it happen.

Change in the parking lot of a National Monument/Cemetery or bathroom of the rental car lot or airport or club lounge or……:

Guilty as charged!  I have changed from work clothes into gym clothes at Arlington National Cemetery to get a run in.  I also very much prefer to travel in Jeans and flip flops vs. coat and tie and have changed clothes in the bathroom stall of pretty much every major airport across this great country.  Little tip here, if you have time, change at the rental car facility rather than the airport.  Stalls are usually less crowded and cleaner.

Skip late night snacks:

So both of my dogs take medication every night (they are both completely neurotic) and they will only take it if I smother in cheese.   I usually take advantage of this time to also steal a couple of slices myself every evening.  If it is not cheese, it may be a cookie with my 15 year old as he unwinds his day or potentially ice cream with my wife.  On the road this never happens.  I don’t order dessert.  I am not the guy that hits the Concierge Lounge for the dessert bar (I do raid the fridge for water and Diet Coke though).  Just no desire when I am not on the road and don’t have the big puppy dog eyes pictured below staring at me.

Work out in the same clothes all week:

OK, I realize this is one of the grosser travel habits I have but when you are traveling for 4-5 nights in a row, space in your suitcase is a premium.  I am not going to waste that real estate with multiple workout shorts, shirts, etc.  Nope, you can fully expect me to be working out in the same shirt/shorts you saw me in yesterday.  Besides, I am probably going to be in a different city tomorrow so all the folks that saw me today will have no idea what I am wearing tomorrow.

Wash those same clothes in the bathroom sink:


However all the people who see me tomorrow should not have to smell me also.  When I work out, I tend to go at it hard and I don’t glow or sparkle or shine or any other cutesy synonym for sweat, I SWEAT!!  Like dripping off my nose, wring your shirt out sweat.  In an effort to end the party between my sweaty gym clothes and bacteria, I have routinely washed my gym clothes in the bathroom sink with shampoo and air dried them throughout the day.  Hey, whatever it takes, right?

So there it is folks, the weird things I do on the road that never happen at home (or at least the ones I am willing to publicly admit to).   Like I often convey, traveling as much as I do is much more about survival than recharging like a vacation.  How do I get maximum results with minimum resources.  So how about you?  What are your quirks when you travel?

Looking forward to hearing from you and here is to seeing you on the road.

The 100 Day Burppe Challenge (Alternative Title “What the hell was I thinking!?!?”)

I want you to think back to the beginning of the year, all the way to January 1st.  That was the day it all started, the 100 Day Burpee Challenge.  It started off innocently enough, we were cleaning up dinner after a day of parades, football and food and I suddenly realized I really had not officially declared any resolutions for 2015.  The thought of doing 1 burpee a day more than the day before suddenly jumped to mind and I was immediately in.

Now this is not a new challenge for me and I certainly do not claim that it was an original thought.  Truth be told, I have done this challenge for at least the last 3 years but this year I had to be different, this year I had to throw the gauntlet down, this year I had to make it public for the world to share.  WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!?!?

One thing changed the dynamic completely this year – The public proclamation, nay challenge, to the entire Facebook world that not only was I going to do this this year, I was brining you all along with me.  I was suddenly the self-proclaimed leader of the #100dayburpeechallenge, hash tag and all.  I was going to document the entire 100 days and get the Facebook world healthier in the process.

See the challenge here 

So as you can see in the video above, it starts off easy.  Heck, I didn’t even bother to change clothes banging the first burpee out in my jeans in the middle of my kitchen.  With one simply video, the challenge was on and people were clamoring to get in.  I had people from all over the country messaging me and responding to my post pledging their allegiance to the cause.  We were one big happy family of sweaty craziness.  But it wasn’t long before I realized this was going to be harder than I thought and harder than previous year.  I was in for a real challenge myself.

Posting everyday on something is HARD!! –

I like to create original messages and not just rehash the same thing every day (‘Did it” of ‘Crushed it’ can only be posted so many times).  So in the beginning there were videos, pics, time lapse and witty banter.  I think I am good for about 30 days, after that I faded fast.  Still did the burpees but you would never know it from following my social media feeds.  At the end, I barely acknowledged that April 10th (day 100) had arrived and that I had indeed completed the challenge.

There are those on Facebook who enjoy watching a challenge but want nothing to do with the challenge –

I think one of my favorite side conversations that happened during the challenge was the creation of the #100daySLURPEEchallenge.  A group of very creative friends created this group pretty much as soon as the #100dayburpeechallenge started.  Fortunately for their waistlines and blood sugar level, their dedication to the cause did not last nearly as long as those attempting the burpee challenge.

People at the gym look at you funny when you do things ‘unconventionally’ –

One of my favorite spots to take pictures and/or videos for the burpee challenge was my home gym at our HOA.  I loved some of the reactions I would get when I would have to do multiple takes of the same video.  They would never approach me and I am sure they thought they were not being noticed but their reactions were a hilarious mix of ‘What is that fool doing?’ ‘Oh, hell no.’ and ‘Why would he do that?’   I just wish I had them on video.

There is not always a convenient place to do Burpees –

This was the most shocking of revelations to me.  One of the reasons I do this every year is because you can do burpees everywhere…….except in hotels with really low ceilings.  Sure, I could go outside and get them in but when you are traveling to Chicago and the outdoor air temp is negative bazillion with the wind chill, you have a better chance of finding me doing burpees outside on Hoth.  So I consistently found myself doing burpees with tuck jumps in order not to crack my head on the ceiling like in the photo below.

Ceiling Height

This thing gets real on about Day 31 –

In the beginning I was getting comments daily from challengers.  Some of my favorites were the pictures and videos of everyone’s kids doing burpees with them and even in stores while they made Christmas returns.  After about the first month, the challenge really starts to get moving and challengers started falling like snow in the Midwest in January.  I even had challengers who set their own rewards at the end of the 100 day challenge, to my knowledge, not one of them actually made it through.  Not even the one whose ‘reward’ was to get on the mat and spar with me.  He in particular has gone noticeably silent.

When it is all said and done – the results are worth it!!

100 burpees in one sitting is no joke.  In order to complete it, you have to be in pretty decent shape.  You also have the mental toughness to commit to a goal and push through to reach it.  If you were one of the ones who made it all the way through, congratulations!  You deserve a treat – perhaps a SLURPEE!  For the rest of you, I look forward to doing it all again next year.

See you on the road.