Dont be THAT Guy!!!

I don’t know what has been up over the last few weeks but I have been running into some real pieces of work on my travels recently. I am sure you know the types of people I am talking about, the folks who we share the road with who just need to let a few things go and get their priorities back in order.  Who do I mean?  I mean folks like;

two-businessman-talking-on-phone-at-urinals

Cellphone talking in the bathroom guy:

OK, what can possibly be so important that you cannot either a) pause the conversation and call them back or b) put them on mute?  I will never understand the gentleman at the urinal talking about his weekend to his friend while relieving himself.  Really?  I am always sure to flush a couple extra times just to be sure the person on the other end knows exactly where this guy takes his calls from.  However please understand, this guy is completely different from Guy who goes to the bathroom in the Middle of a Conference Call.

gate crowding

Needs to be first guy:

Every flight I ever take, literally every single one, there is at least one and usually a group of people who are in Group 4 or 5 of the boarding process who line up at the gate before the plane has even arrived.   I guess they think that by being at the gate early that they will be able to board earlier.  My favorite are the ones who when the gate agents call for the elite level travelers to board, join right in, only to be immediately cast aside and made to wait in front of all for their “appropriate boarding group”.   All the while, clogging the 2 foot wide pathway to get to the jet bridge.  Not so ironically, these are usually the folks I also see falling into our next category.

Refuses to put anything under his seat guy:

I get it, you bought a ticket just like everyone else on the plane and yes, you have the “right” (show me in The Constitution where overhead space is protected) to put your stuff up above but if all you have is a bag from the HMS Host store in the boarding area, put under your feet in front of you.  Seriously people.

Oh and by the way, you are not allowed to complain about either the boarding process or the deplaning process if you choose to place everything overhead.  You are the reason that one person who has a CPAP machine in their bag or the person in 7F who placed their bag above 33D is holding up the process.

it will fit

Mr. Spatially Unaware:

So this version actually comes in two varieties.  The first is the one who has no concept of how geometry works.  This is usually best displayed as they attempt to place a 9x14x22 inch bag into a 3x7x22 inch space.  No really, keep trying.  I am sure you can make it fit.  Much like this guy

The second version is the guy who does not understand that the arm rest actually represents the type of force field between your seat and mine.  It should be treated like a kindergartner treats the “lava” if they fall of the carpet.  It is to be avoided at all costs.  Of course the one who really takes the cake in this category is Mr. I am Going to use your Shoulder as a Pillow Guy (yep, it really has happened) much like this classic

Married to my seat guy:

So I saved my personal pet peeve for last.  That is the person that is so attached to their seat that they are unwilling to move for any reason.  I was recently on a flight where a father and his 5 year old son were assigned to two window seats IN FIRST CLASS that were not in the same row.  The gentlemen in the aisle seats of both of the rows refused to relocate.  Let me remind you, THIS WAS TO ANOTHER FIRST CLASS SEAT!!!  I literally could not believe it.  I turned to the gentlemen next to me after seeing this dad settle his barely grade school aged son in the row behind him and asked “Are you married to that seat?” – fortunately he was already thinking exactly what I was thinking.  We immediately gave up our row so this father and son could sit together.

RoadWarriors please here me.  If you see a family separated on the plane, regardless of the seat assignment, if you can switch and make it better for them, DO IT and yes, I have sat middle in coach so families can sit together.  I feel so deeply about this I think we should start a Whitehouse.org petition to make it a Federal Law.

The lesson in all this?  Well, Pope Francis got an ovation on the floor of Congress for mentioning it, you may know it as the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have done unto you.  Christ told us the greatest commandment was to love one another as he loved us.  Somehow I do not see Jesus saying – “Nope, I need the window seat”.  Now to be fair, he would probably make every seat a window seat but that is a whole other post.

So how about you RoadWarriors?  Who are some of the people I forgot to include on the list?

Here is to hoping you are able to avoid them all on your travels.

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